Now I know how it feels like when your heart is being crippled by the vein just like what Leona Lewis has said. Yeah, that’s what I felt when he told me to stop what we have… but technically, we didn’t really have anything just yet.
It was a Saturday night and just like how I usually spend most of my weekend, while everyone else is partying in the metro, I am in the comfort of my bed just browsing the internet. Don’t get me wrong, even if you get diagnosed with the virus it doesn’t mean that you have to stop partying or go out and meet people, for me it’s just my personal choice. I don’t drink nor smoke so I figured I will just be a lonely and boring pole standing in the middle of the crowd if I go out. And besides, I don’t have anyone to go out with as most of my friends are busy with their own gimmicks.
If you are going to visit my personal twitter page, which I cannot give you 😛 you will mostly see senseless posts mostly about my daily routine or my rotting lovelife. Yes, it’s already rotting. haha. It’s been almost 3 year since my last relationship and after that I never had anyone for a boyfriend. Although I dated, I don’t think that they will be understanding and accepting once they found out about my secret. Most of them I met from the internet anyways so what do I expect, right?
I clicked the new tweet button and typed something about how I’ve been waiting for a lover. Knowing that I have a few followers that who can read it, I made my statement catchy of course. And boy it didn’t fail me. A follower tweeted me back commenting how my tweet made him smile. To cut the story short, that night ended with us exchanging tweets and DMs until we call it a night with a smile on our faces knowing that it can be a start of something romantic.
Everything went really fast afterwards, from tweets to daily phone calls from teasing to romantic text messages in short we were… what do you call that? I don’t know. But I didn’t care… I started to invest my emotions which I shouldn’t have as I know there is no security in this kind of relationship. Ohh… did i just type the word relationship? Is that what it is? But what the heck, you have the guts to take a risk in order for you to meet that one person even if it means that you might get hurt in the end.
The dreamlike love story then started to came into a halt. Lies, deception and cheating happened. He went out with a guy he used to date and they went to a gay club. He told me nothing happened. Yes, he was the one who told me the reason why he cancelled our supposedly first date and of everything that he did behind my back. It disappointed me but I didn’t have any right to be mad, that’s what I think. Why? Because we are not a couple… we were just… phone and twitter pals.
The fact that he was honest with me made me continue my flirtationship with him over the phone and on twitter. But the following weeks had been rough. He always make drunk calls and would accuse me of things I never said or did. Until I got tired. I don’t think my vulnerable positive heart can take that kind of stress. Although it made me smile this past fews weeks but I can only take so much of drama and accusations. Especially not from someone who doesn’t know me.
When he finally told me that he wants to stop it already, I didn’t argue anymore. He accused me of suspecting him of cheating but that’s not what i really wanted to say. That was the last, I told myself and I just had to let go and so I did.
Sounds silly but it hurts. Even though it’s not even real. My heart is broken by a twitter love.